Last fall when I went to Idaho to visit my Grandmother, my sister Cortney and I decided on a whim to jump into mom's car and jet over to Reed's Dairy before they closed at 9. We jammed over and made it just in time for two generous waffle cones filled with the best ice cream in the west. We sat in the parking lot of the dairy and ate while listening to a mix CD Cort had made. I had my laptop with me. I pulled it out and we loaded up photo booth. We took silly pictures of ourselves eating ice cream.
Grandma didn't have wireless (what?) so I drove as Cort kept the laptop open on her lap. We drove very slowly until we detected an open signal and we would stop, both check our emails (we don't have fancy phones) and then we would go back and forth showing each other funny youtube videos. We laughed and laughed and stayed out until we thought our mom would be worried about us.
For a second I felt like I was in high school again.
And I loved it.
Since that night I have been mulling over why it felt like that.
I think it was a mixture of the whole let's do something on a whim late in the night, laughing so hard, eating something delicious and fattening and not caring, being with a best friend. The only part of the potion that was missing was the "let's drive by his house so we can see if he's home". That giddy crush girl stuff. Well, she can still have that emotion. (I suppose I could have that emotion too, but I know that HE is home because I live with him)
I watched a video today that made me ache for my childhood and summer and the early 80's (I will post it at the end of this blog). I think I might have watched it 20 times before the day was over. Sometimes I want to have it back. Can I go back to third grade in Mr. McArthur's class? Can I go back to roller skating lessons? Can I go back to stake dances and have crazy-mad crushes, can I go back to college and go dancing with all my girlfriends??? Can I make forts with my brothers or make monster cookies with my mom? Can I just have one high school championship soccer game again?
What I have realized over the months of mulling is that I don't necessarily want to relive those things. I don't want to live in the past or ache for it. What I want to do is recreate the emotions that are seemingly gone. But how?
I think part of your childhood is brought back when you have children. I think that is why I love playing with my children so much. I think there is a difference between living through your children and living WITH your children. Living life, right along side your children, being present, being alive.
I think I sometimes feel certain emotions when I am with my friends, like the other night when two friends and I sat and talked in a friend's car late after a church meeting swapping stories for way longer than we should have. Or the time when a certain someone called me when she was locked out of the church, her car wouldn't start and she REALLY needed to go to the bathroom. I left with the bishop's keys and rescued her. We might have snuck some chocolate from somewhere. We giggled a lot. I don't know why it was so fun. But I felt like I was in college or high school again.
And there are nights that I feel emotions I had when David and I were dating. When we are up way too late, making stupid jokes and laughing so hard at each other, knowing that no one else in the world thinks we are as funny as we do.
I think I sometimes feel certain emotions when I am with my friends, like the other night when two friends and I sat and talked in a friend's car late after a church meeting swapping stories for way longer than we should have. Or the time when a certain someone called me when she was locked out of the church, her car wouldn't start and she REALLY needed to go to the bathroom. I left with the bishop's keys and rescued her. We might have snuck some chocolate from somewhere. We giggled a lot. I don't know why it was so fun. But I felt like I was in college or high school again.
And there are nights that I feel emotions I had when David and I were dating. When we are up way too late, making stupid jokes and laughing so hard at each other, knowing that no one else in the world thinks we are as funny as we do.
Tonight my brother Tyler and I were talking about the video he showed me and about this whole idea and I jokingly told him that I wanted to start an 80's commune.
Tyler said, "You mean like The Village?"
I laughed and said "Yeah, totally, but there won't be any weirdos and no one will die."
If you want your children to grow up in the 80's, come live here -- There will be roller skates, big wheels and boogie boards. little boys that wear short shorts -- with stripes up the side. And children will wear cut off levi's. And summer dresses. And girls, you can collect plastic charms for your charm necklaces and wear jellies and there will be lots of slurpees. We will have Saturday morning soccer. And dance aerobics. And once a year we will all get together and ride our skateboards down a nice long hill.
Anyone want to come and live with us?
Anyone want to come and live with us?
16 comments:
A few thoughts...
1. excuse me, nasty picture?? ew.
2. In this 80's commune...can we still own a shop together?
We can sell Espirit sweatshirts, Bongo Jeans, Scrunchies, slap bracelets, Dr.Pepper chapstick..? yeah?
I edited the picture a bit --- is it better??? I took out some shadowy creases on your face. DO you love me again? You should have seen the other picture I had. IT was WAAAAAY worse. I could see up your nostrils.
and they were flared.
Of course we could own a shop. We have to have those plastic charm necklaces though. With every charm every made.
I used to ride my red ten-speed up this long hill and then speed down. I love that feeling of the wind blowing in your face, and when it finally turns spring, I love to roll down my windows and smell the air and have it blow on my face. I am addicted to that feeling!! I think it is for the same reason, it makes me feel FOREVER YOUNG!! Love the video, it really does bring you back to summer. Lane watched it and thought it was "so cool."
I love that image of you on your ten speed serena. We will have ten speeds at the commune. and wind.
I did that same kinda thing Serena, except I had a BMX bike(the boy kind) and I would go to the top of my street and then fly down only holding on with one hand...
And in your shop I think you should also have some Garbage Pail kids cards to trade
:)
A BMX! You were the coolest! Did you ever see the movie RAD?
and the garbage pail kids comment --- that is hilarious and nasty at the same time. I remember they had a "Tiffany LAmp" card and it was a girl made into a lamp and everyone teased me that I was a lamp. Those things were so gross huh????
Did you collect those??? I forgot about them until you just said something.
sooooo classic.
Lovely thoughts. I know the feeling. I relive those feelings when I garden and get dirty without caring. Getting dirt under my nails always does that to me.
And when I teach let my kids hold worms for the first time and when we eat popcicles on the front steps trying to let the better part of the drips fall on the concrete on not on our shoes.
It reminds me of joy, freedom of imagination and fun I had as a kid and how I really want my kids to know the same feelings.
lovely.
I want to come! slurpees and summer dresses pleeeeeease.
oh, aleksi, you will be there. You and cort. kickin' it to MJ and Madonna.
Sandra, I love what you shared. dirt under the nails. popsicles. I am glad you are finding ways to find that joy.
That song brings me back to youth dances. That emotion potion has a tinge too much self-consciousness to make me pine for it.
I definitely would love to be a part of the 80's utopia, though. I'll arrive on my banana seat bike with my charm necklace on.
I find myself pining for the emotion potion that I felt when my husband and I were dating. So intoxicating! Don't get me wrong, being married to him is wonderful but there's something about that stage that was so magical and can't be completely recaptured.
oh , yes. that intoxicating falling in love combination of emotions.... don't you wish you could bottle it up?
and yes, your banana seat. very very much a yes. Will your bike have streamers? please. I can hear the jangling of the charms as you pedal and your streamers are flying in the summer wind. I love it.
Oooooh I know. I muse about those feelings often. Sometimes it's as if I was a completely different person and I can't believe I had those times, did those things, was so lucky to experience such things in life...
I often miss it. Life certainly changes when you don't just think about yourself anymore. But-- new things come. One of my very favorite things in LIFE is when I hear a song, smell something or see something that takes me back to one of those places. Surreal.
Talking about this reminds me of that time you visited us and we went to the mall late for a caramel apple. The mall closed so we had to walk across the many empty parking lots. Laughing... eating treats... confessing embarrassing secrets in the car... like in college. :)
Oh Sarah, that was such a fun night. nights I should say because now it is a tradition. And I felt like that too! It was fun and random and giggly and I need more nights like that! I REALLY do! We need to see each other more often.
Which embarrassing secret did I tell you? That I used to wear two bras to the stake dances to fill out the top part of my dresses??? HA HA HA!!!!
Oh Tiffany. I'm bawling like a baby. This post really touched me and made me reflect on my own childhood. You said so many things that I feel but can't ever adequately express. Thank you! My 3 year-old walked in and asked why I was bawling while watching that video. I just had to tell her, "it's hard to explain." I'm so glad I have great friends like you who can relate to growing up in the 80's. I heart you!
I like this post Tiff! Gosh...I must be trying to raise my kids in an 80's commune already because B. wears rollerskates atleast once a day, summer dresses (daily), she has several charm bracelets (not plasitc like the cool one's we had) and jellies are a must every summer...come to think of it we had icee's (close enough) last week at Target!
Emily, I know what you mean. that video made me really emotional for some reason too. There is something that it captures that is so relevant to my childhood, but I can't quite place it. Thank you for your comment.
Tiff, you are one step ahead. Now you just have to put Dean in some cut off's or striped short shorts.... and we have to get all of our kids big wheels. Those were awesome.
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