Sometimes I want to post up some papers by the Bishop's office next to the tithing settlement sign ups that look like this:
VISITS TO THE BISHOP'S WIFE
SUNDAY, November 28th
5:00 _______________________
5:30 _______________________
6:00 _______________________
6:30 _______________________
7:00 _______________________
7:30 _______________________
8:00 _______________________
8:30 _______________________
SUNDAY, December 5th
5:00 _______________________
5:30 _______________________
6:00 _______________________
6:30 _______________________
7:00 _______________________
7:30 _______________________
8:00 _______________________
8:30 _______________________
SUNDAY, December 12th
5:00 _______________________
5:30 _______________________
6:00 _______________________
6:30 _______________________
7:00 _______________________
7:30 _______________________
8:00 _______________________
8:30 _______________________
TUESDAY, December 14th
5:00 _______________________
5:30 _______________________
6:00 _______________________
6:30 _______________________
7:00 _______________________
7:30 _______________________
8:00 _______________________
8:30 _______________________
SUNDAY, December 20th
5:00 _______________________
5:30 _______________________
6:00 _______________________
6:30 _______________________
7:00 _______________________
7:30 _______________________
8:00 _______________________
8:30 _______________________
A lot of ebbing and flowing when it comes to supporting your husband in callings like these. This is a confessional right? I will be honest with you. There are so many busy callings in the church and emotions are all over the board. Sometimes there is a strength and a comfort and a reassurance and then there are times of loneliness, self-pity and frustration. Lots of prayer my friends, lots of prayer.
Tonight David mentioned that he is so grateful for a sensitive and kind Stake President who is grateful for the Bishops and all they do to serve. He mentioned that he is so happy that he is never told that he is not doing enough. He admitted that he feels like he could do more. Isn't there always that feeling?
Being the bishop is hard work.
I reassured him that he is doing enough. He was at church for 12 hours today. We counted it up and he has been in meetings or at church doing service for over 20 hours this week. That's what the load is like in December and that doesn't count the phone calling and the emailing and the organizing.
I am so entirely grateful for all of the people in our ward that serve so well and make being the Bishop a little easier on my David. So grateful for a young man who was called at the last minute yesterday to speak today and said yes willingly. Thank you to all of those who prepared last night's Ward Christmas party, it was wonderful. Grateful for in-laws who help with meals and children. Those things mean so much.
So thank you to all of you out there who are supporting Bishops this time of year. Whether you are supporting them in your family or through your callings or through answering a simple "yes" to a invitation to sing or speak or pray. Thank you for serving each other and loving each other. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
From all of the Bishop's wives in the world, I'm sure.
P.S --- I almost just deleted this post because I didn't want it to sound like I am complaining. Please reassure me. Does this come across bad? I think those who know me will understand. There are people that read this blog that I don't know who they are and I don't want to come across like a loser bishop's wife. To any of you who have been children of bishops, wives of bishops, known a nice bishop/bishop's wife etc, words of wisdom are welcome.
P.S --- I almost just deleted this post because I didn't want it to sound like I am complaining. Please reassure me. Does this come across bad? I think those who know me will understand. There are people that read this blog that I don't know who they are and I don't want to come across like a loser bishop's wife. To any of you who have been children of bishops, wives of bishops, known a nice bishop/bishop's wife etc, words of wisdom are welcome.
25 comments:
Girl... I would sign up to meet with you for a long, long time!! I can't wait to see you soon :)
Aw, Tiffany: you both work so hard! I can't imagine being the wife of a Bishop and I love the thanks you give. I appreciate our Bishop so much and can't believe how many hours they spend serving all of us. Some think that being a leader in the church is somehow a status symbol and something some aspire to achieve. For those of us who have been close to one who serves, we realize how inconsequential all that is when you realize how much service goes into the callings. It really comes from a good place where we love the Lord and therefore we do all that He asks. I don't think this comes off as complaining at all. Just a little reality that all of us can appreciate! You are a wonderful Bishop's wife, and thank YOU for supporting your husband, so he can work all of these hours. Thank goodness for long Christmas breaks in CA!! Church service molds the character! You guys have a ton of it!
oh, judy. our time will come so soon -- next week!
Serena, thank you so much. Your words ARE wise. Keep the wisdom coming my way. Heaven knows I need it! You are right about the status symbol thing. I worry about that --- do people think that of us because believe me, this is most definitely not something we asked for or aspired for. not not not. And really I don't think people understand the emotional and physical toll it takes on the man that is the Bishop.
thank you again Serena.
Amen, sister! You are so not a loser bishop's wife. I appreciate your honesty and I too love the people who say yes at the last minute. Because, let's face it, even with the best planning, sometimes you still need a little last minute help. And I too am grateful for all the people who support bishops. I'm also grateful for the kind neighbors who helped shovel my snow today. I feel like a single mom a lot of the time. Hang in there--there are lots of blessings that come with the territory and I'm oh so grateful for those.
Oh, what fabulous neighbors. I loved that ward. IT is true that sometimes you feel like a single mom. I think in a way that is a blessing because I have more compassion for them. I couldn't imagine doing that completely full time. My heart is softer. I also become more grateful for the times when I do have him around because things are so much easier! I am happy to know I can always talk with you when I need a heart to heart talk about our roles.
I know my mom felt the same way sometimes (like she needed a sign-up sheet to book time with my dad) and all their kids but one were grown and out of the house at the time my dad was bishop.
So, I'm saying don't be hard on yourself. It's absolutely a sacrifice to put in that kind of time and emotional energy (yours and his) while your kids are so young.
Love you lots!
You're not loser material. Nope. Just not. (say that really fast that last line and it sounds like snot-haha) Really, though, Have a dance party at your house at 5pm when tithing settlement starts, or do a dinner club on those weeks so you don't feel lonely (you cook Mon for a jillion people, then someone else does it at their house Tues, etc). When Jared was in the bishopric, I felt alone sometimes, and kind of sad- even )gasp- a tiny weensy bit resentful in some prideful moments, but never uttered words to that effect. He worked hard, it was a good experience, and now we know how much more to appreciate EVERY calling that gets DONE by everyone. Even the "little" callings amount to a great deal when someone else has to go and do them for someone who didn't show up, say yes, or organize something properly. It's a lotta work being Mormon. We sure work for our Grace, don't we? LOL
Never been a bishop's wife, but understand about the endless meetings/phone calls/emails as an EQ pres wife. There are no "off" hours, always on-call. I think your blog posts about your supporting role are magnificent, real, honest, funny (appropriately!) and testimony-building. Don't stop sharing. There is power in blogging and the good influence we can have on each other. You help inspire me!
I was impressed with how family-attentive your sweetie was at the Ward Christmas party, being in buffet line with you and the boys and being a dad first. Maybe we can pray for more date nights for the bishop? Support with babysitting? Start inviting you over for dinner on busy-bishop nights? We could have FHE every night of the week with you guys, for any number of nights in a row!
I think part of the challenge is figuring out how YOU can ask for help from ward family. Tell us what we can do to better support you in your role as mother and wife. You are not alone, you have friends everywhere! Keep up the brave, bold actions and don't be afraid to show your needs/weaknesses and ask for help, please! Hugs and helping hands. XO
Oh Tiffany, I KNOW! Sometimes when Dean would GO, and I wished he would stay, I would get down on my knees and ask for divine help... It DID help, I got the inner strength that I needed to tune in to what I needed to do to keep the home running and to give of myself to the children.
You ARE doing a wonderful job, and your children are wonderful because of the lovely mother they have, who is fun, attentive, caring, and who takes such good care of her children. We truly love you.
I think everyone can imagine if not completely understand this. I don't blame you at all for your feelings, I know I would feel the same. Ben is gone for different reasons but he is gone a lot. You have a good cirlce of support (it could be much worse anyway!) and you have such an admirable hushand. And I know it's easily said, but you will be blessed SO MUCH for this sacrifice--you have no idea!!
Chin up.
I think you are doing a great job! You are so strong...I am such a whimp, I do not know how you do it. I hate it anytime Josh has to stay after work, or take a class...and he gets off for the whole summer!!!! But I just like it when he is with me better : )
You are a great bishops wife, and your hubby is a great bishop!
We love you both!!!!
Jennilyn --- thank you for your support. YOU and your husband have busy callings right now and so much on your plates. I hope you know it was your son I was referring to when I was being grateful.
It was wonderful to sit with David during the Christmas party. He really was attentive and helpful that evening, how special that you noticed. He tries so hard to do so much.
It's a hard thing to ask for help. It is a hard thing to even admit that it is hard because life is hard for everyone. Everyone is struggling in different ways sometimes you think --- who am I to say life is hard? Someone always has it harder ---
But I don't think that is a good train of thought. I think we should admit when life is hard and don't fall into the trap of always thinking things could be worse. Of course they could be! I could have no family around to help and sit by myself on Sunday, my house could burn down, I could catch pneumonia, David could lose his job, My kids could get deathly ill....
Sure, things can get harder. But I think playing that game we let emotions fester and your mind becomes warped.... am I making any sense????
I am rambling......
KAtie, having a teacher husband is rough. I had one of those too once and I was one once --- you are never away from your job! There is always so much to do!!! I also remember when he was teaching I would tell him how jealous I was that he got to go and teach and I didn't get to anymore. Once again, hard emotions to admit, but they were real.
You are not a wimp. I know you could do it too. It is all line upon line.
Inger and Sarah,
I know that both of you know my sentiments because Inger, your husband served for what was it --- 17 years or something whether as a bishop, in a bishopric or in a stake presidency or as the stake president. And sarah, you were the child. We once thought about it after your dad was released and your dad was in a strong leadership calling for like the first 14 years of Amanda's life. man. tough times.
But yes, Sarah, there are blessings. We are very very blessed.
But one thing I did think reading your comment is that I don't really feel like anyone understands what it's like to have a husband as a bishop until they there husband is the bishop. really. It's not just about him being gone so much, it is really so much more. so so much more.
I have wanted to write a letter to every bishop's wife I have ever known telling them thank you and telling them how much I love them for their sacrifices, because I never understood.
I think it is similar to me trying to understand the sacrifice of a full time mission ---- I can try to, but I don't think I will ever comprehend it until I serve a full time mission.
And I would like to write a letter to my former bishops too. I didn't want that to seem like I thought the wife's sacrifice was more than the husbands.
Oh, and thank you JEss too, I remember you telling me about your husband in the bishopric. So young too! It is so true how you can see the importance of every calling once you see how the ward works from a bishopric members perspective. Every bit of service is soooo wonderful!
You last comment was funny because I was just telling David last night that I wished we talked about grace and the atonement more at church. I feel inadequate all the time and I need reminders that Jesus Christ is there to make up for my shortcomings.
I love the idea of the visits to the bishop's wife! We just had a thankful jar for Thanksgiving where we were able to thank the bishop and his wife for their service. I think that the Bishop's wife is AMAZING because she is always home taking care of everything while the husband takes care of everyone else and their problems. You are awesome and I know your ward is lucky to have you. :)
You've inspired me to do something nice for my bishop's wife. Thanks for helping me broaden my perspective.
hooray, mom of three -- she will be ever so happy and grateful!
Trish -that is a nice idea about the jar. Do they keep it out in the hallway or something???
I read this to Justin (he is the Elder's Quorum President) and suddenly his week and demands didn't seem so heavy. Kudos to you both and all the good things you do.
In an interview this week with Pres. Burner, he asked me how Justin was doing, I said he was, but he had plans to grow quite the beard before we moved into our next ward so he could better fly under the radar. He laughed and then named all the recent bishops and high councilors with facial hair. Justin's plans have been dashed...
I love that you can share your honest thoughts and feelings here. I find it interesting that sometimes when we try to share honestly we worry that it comes across as complaining. Nothing you said was complaining...it is a busy time, you clearly support and love your husband and family and understand the value, importance and sacrifice that you've been asked to give. That doesn't mean you skip around and love every second of some really challenging times!! Thank goodness you're not like that!
It gives people strength to see and hear about authentic struggles and contemplation on our roles and sometimes what we're asked to give. I think we could all benefit from more of it.
I love you! You inspire me and help me want to do just a little bit more. xoxo
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