I am struggling.
I think of my mom a lot who had four kids by the time she was my age (well, really by the time she was two years younger than I am). I actually think of every mom whose children are raised and think how in the WORLD did she do it? I talked to Mom today for about an hour. I asked her if she ever felt like she was going crazy when her kids were little. She said "YES, I felt like I was going crazy all the time. And I am not using that word lightly, I really really felt like I was going crazy." Oh, mom, I hear you.
I think the hardest part for me is that I just feel like I am failing all the time. It's like I have two full time jobs during the day: mothering and housekeeping. And to tell you the absolute truth, I really do love both of those things. Another absolute truth: I JUST CAN'T DO THEM BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
If I focus on cleaning the house or doing a project, I am usually ignoring my children (and am irritable if I am bothered) and when I sit and do a project with the boys or play a game or do a puzzle I feel good about it, but there sits the laundry and the dishes and the uncooked dinner and the everything. And I feel like a failure. I feel like if I try and do one well, I fail at the other.
Anyone else feel like this?
How do you deal with it??? I need to figure out some kind of system. Do you have a system? When do you clean? When do you play? How much tv do your kids watch? Do you feel guilty about it? How often do you get out of the house? How much do you get done when your kids are in bed? Are you as EXHAUSTED as I am at the end of the day and don't have any energy left for housekeeping? Are you organized? Is your house clean? What are your tricks to getting it done?
I also struggle with the balance between "suck it up, tiffany" and "be gentle on yourself, tiffany" -- do you have similar thoughts? which way do you lean? Which way should I lean? How long can I use the excuse "I just had a baby and moved into a new house". Should I have stuff hanging on the walls yet? because I don't.
This is such a late night in-the-moment post. I am sure it is hardly coherent, but I am throwing it out there. I am not writing this to complain about how hard my life is --- I know this is something that many of us are dealing with and other people are dealing with much harder dilemmas than mine. I am not seeking sympathy either, I genuinely need answers. Even if you don't have it all figured out, I am sure you have found something that works...
help. please.
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Of course I agree on every level. I think having 3 really puts some other things in perspective! We had a really amazing toddler class for RS meeting last week, I would love to tell you everything I learned. It made me feel soooo much better somehow! Give me a call sometime (perhaps evening is best??) and I will pull out my notes and go over them with you.
My house is never clean. At least not all of it. I could tell you to put your house on a schedule, but that's never worked for me.
I am a fan of using the TV when I need time to cook, shower, or clean something. It makes me a better mom.
I get some stuff done when they get in bed, but not a lot. Aim for doing 10 minutes after they go to bed, and another 10 minutes right before you go to bed.
I lean on be gentle, because you know what? I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING and NEITHER CAN YOU, not even close. And your new house is bigger than your old one and you have a new baby. This is not the season for a tidy house. This is the season to make sure everyone is fed, that their clothes are warm and sometimes even clean, and that rats don't move in.
Don't have rats? Your house is still clean enough.
All the time I wonder how on earth anyone manages to have more than one child. I sincerely don't think I will ever be able to. That's probably not much of a pep talk. I got lucky and my brother-in-law gave my husband some advice before we had Eli. His advice was to get a cleaning lady. So, we did and it is awesome. Sometimes I feel guilty spending the money but then I get over it. Ha.
i so know what you mean! i feel the same way. and i am so tired all the time. it doesn't help that i am still waking up at least 3x a night and my baby is 9 months. i wish she would sleep. and the new house thing, it drives me crazy that it isn't exactly how i want it yet. i have stuff hung on the wall only because there were already nails there. but its not what i want or where. floors still need to be redone. walls need to be painted. maybe next year when my husband will be home a little more. (insert sarcastic laugh) for me, i just tell myself that it is so much more important to play with the kids than clean. and then i try to clean one room a day. (beside the kitchen and picking up.) but usually i wake up to a pile of diapers lying around the house that somehow didn't make it to the trash. so nasty that i am admitting this. and i try and have the kids help clean. so even though it doesnt get super clean cause they are helping, it teaches them and then in a couple years they can take over and become my slaves. and then sometimes i sneak off and clean by myself cause its easier and faster. like the other night when i decided the bathroom needed to be cleaned. and the older 2 girls were fighting over who got to clean what, and the baby was screaming cause i wouldn't let her touch anything. so sneaking off is like a dream sometimes. i also love me some DP. keeps me awake and less grumpy around the kids since my sleep at night comes in 2 hour intervals and my husband lives at the hospital. yep, every mom feels the same way i am sure.
You can do what I do and only clean your house when people are coming over and pretend that it always looks that way. :)
When I was younger, I heard a poem that talked about a similar thing. I can't quote it, but it went something like this. "So dust balls be quite and cobwebs will sleep. I'm rocking my babies and babies don't keep." You do the best you can, but ALWAYS put your kids first. You will have PLENTY of time to have a clean house in 20 years or so.
And NEVER apologize for a messy house. There is a time time and season for everything!!!
I am happy to say that my kids have lots of memories of me playing with them, watching TV with them and going to their school. And now when they come and visit, they see how a clean house looks!!! LOL!
Oh, sweetie, take heart!!! We've all been there, and go back again with each addition to the family!!!! Nothing ever goes back to "normal", you just get to create the "new normal". I'm gong to facebook you one of my favorite quotes....so go take a look!!!
serena, I will call you soon.
zuc- just a red headed rat that steals crackers and holes himself up behind a chair in my front room. I like the 10 minutes thing.
allison -- how awesome. that would be a dream. how much do you pay??
beck -- and what about the moldy sippy cup under the couch -- do you have that too??? Doesn't it always seem like it will be easier just around the corner? And then it isn't.
nichole, yes. but what about when my elderly neighbor just stops by to say hi and my house is seriously like the worst ever and my 3 year old has no pants on and I am in my pajamas still and it is 3 PM??? I should put a sign on my door that says "IF you didn't call before you came over, don't knock. Or Call and then knock in 20 minutes." ha ha.
Ann - My mother in law has that poem and I LOVE it. thank you for the advice. It's good.
HH: Thank you for reminding me that this is what happens when you have a new baby. I know it's crazy right now, but maybe in a few months I will be able to breathe.
Having number 3 was definitely my breaking point in terms of sanity, keeping the house clean, laundry etc. It seemed like everything multiplied exponentially at that point. So know that you are not alone. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that my house will never again be as clean as I used to have it. At least it won't stay that way longer than a day. I'm learning to accept "good enough" and move on. I say use the TV whenever you need to. I know you're an amazing mom and won't abuse it or turn your kids over to be raised by the tube. We've gone with and without TV for extended periods of time and there are benefits to both. Although I swear my kids learn more from PBS and Nick Jr. sometimes than anything else. And if you believe their advertising, "It's like preschool on TV." What could be better? Hang in there lady!
Hi.
You're right -- both things (housekeeping, kid-raising) are full-time jobs. The answer is: I have no idea. Really. I don't know what the answer is.
As a kid, I was never taught (nor encouraged) to be clean, tidy, and/or organized, so it's a lot of pressure since I don't know how to be this way. I've had to teach myself as an adult, and my kids are learning right along with me. One thing I have learned about housework: It is NEVER finished. Never. When you think about it in that way -- a constant, rather than something to finish, something to check off of a list -- that may help how you feel.
I do prioritize being with my kids. Am I saying that those with clean homes don't prioritize time with their kids? OF COURSE NOT. But I haven't figured out how to do that AND clean my house. I do what I can, and sometimes all that I can do is wander through the house like a zombie and make sure my kids don't hurt each other.
My requirements for the day:
~ a washed face (for me and the kids)
~ a breath of fresh air (even if it's only stepping onto the back porch for a few minutes)
~ some food...at some point. Probably.
The older my kids have gotten, the more they can play (or watch tv) on their own, the more household stuff I'm able to do, but I'm still not caught up. Though my house is not clean, and that can be embarrassing, I don't feel guilty about how I'm spending my time.
Hey Lady,
Wish I could come give you a hug and help scrub those toilets.
First, I always find it amazing when seasoned moms, such as yourself, still struggle with the newborn craziness and all that having kids entails. I hate to say it makes me feel better, but it sorta does. Not in a 'misery loves company' sort of way, but it takes away my own feelings of inadequacy and helps me know I'm not alone. So thanks for being open and honest about the struggles...that alone helps other moms.
A system. I've been wanting to have a system for years. I DREAM about an organized house that just flows...and unfortunately I'm not one of those "you can clean the house another day" type of moms...if my house is crazy, I go crazy. I still have to step down from my ideal, but I can't just accept a messy house all the time. Just in the past few weeks I think I've found something that helps me. On Monday night I make a list of the things I'd like to get down that week--specifically around the house. See, I'm fine with keeping on top of the kitchen, laundry and the day to day stuff...but it's the every-once-in-a-while that kills me. So stuff like "clean blinds, clean baseboards, vacuum downstairs, etc gets put on the list. That way I have all week to do those things. If I don't get to it that week, I put it on the list for next week. I'm only 3 weeks in but it helps. It has also helped for me to have a weekly meal list...and especially include some meals that are already pre-made or super simple--like extra soup I put in the freezer, or grilled cheese sammies. I also ask my husband and the 3 year old to help with the picking up etc. I try not to devote too much time to it at night...when the kiddies are in bed is when I have my me time. Watch a show on line, sew, read, paint, etc.
Also--some days you have to suck it up, and on the days that you can you do it. Some days you need to be gentle...so be gentle. Also, I think the TV thing comes and goes in seasons. I've got a 6 month old and it's the dead of winter...yes we watch a lot more TV these days and I'm so grateful for it. In the summer, when I have an older baby and more time outside... it will be less.
My personal mantra that came from my mid-wife while in the throws of labor: You can do it and in fact you're the only one who can!
1. been there. still am there. (even though the babies are way older now.)
2. you are an awesome mom.
3. you are an awesome home-maker/keeper.
4. its all about tweaking ANY sort of system you come up with EVERY SINGLE DAY.
5. my whole house is NEVER all clean at the same time. even when I try REALLY, REALLY HARD. these little (+not so little) people like to make me crazy.
6. I have no answers, only empathy and a listening ear. call me.
xoxo
I can't say anything that hasn't been said. Aiden runs around without pants pretty much all the time! Owen is crawling around eating things off the floor like a dog half the day. The other day he found one of those lost moldy sippy cups and started drinking it. I thought I would die! His breath smelled sooo bad! Some days we don't watch any TV. Some days all we do is watch TV. My house will never be clean again, I'm certain of it. I'll tell you what though, the one thing I have found that I am good at is having dinner made. Guess how I do it? One day a month I make 3 meals, 6 of each of them. That gives me 18 meals and they go in the freezer. Because I don't always use all of them I'll have leftovers from previous months and I have a good variety. Every morning I wake up and think what are we doing for dinner. Go grab something out of the freezer and set it on the counter to defrost. I haven't made a meal (besides the one day a month) in over a year, but we always have a home cooked meal :) I can send you some great recipes, but you have to have an extra freezer. BEST investment EVER! Oh and I have a good friend I do this with so we take turns doing the shopping and split the bill and that saves time too. Plus you have somebody to talk to, take turns with the kids while you're spending the day in the kitchen. First Tuesday of every month :)
My mother would tell you, "this too shall pass" and I say, don't worry about a clean house. Pick things up once a day (maybe right before daddy gets home) and spend more time playing with your little ones. They will grow up fast. Don't worry about what other people think. Take one day at a time. You'll know when your Kiddos are watching too much tv-- don't stress if they are loving tv. They will go through phases.
And finally my favorite saying: cleaning the house while children are growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing!! Don't worry about tomorrow -- enjoy the moment. You are an amazing woman and an amazing mom. :) when all else fails hire a babysitter for a few hours and make sure you always have a thing or two on the calendar that you look forward to :) love you tiff!!
Just wanted to add: I have the cleaning lady but I still found Eli eating a nasty, hairy dust bunny today. And I found a stank old bottle under the ottoman. AND I only have one kid...so don't get so down on yourself. We pay $130 and they come once and month and totally go to town--dusting, bathrooms, floors, kitchen, etc. Never in a million years would have done it if my dear, kind brother-in-law hadn't told my husband it was the best thing ever they ever did. I owe him one.
Dude, Allison, your brother in law and my husband need to hang out.
Judy -- the having things on the calendar -- that is a keeper. Great advice.
em -- you are my soul sister. Send me those recipes!!! You are BRILLIANT! And guess what? We inherited a huge freezer with 1977!
Seven Smiles -- thank you. we'll have to get together soon.
Miggety miggaroo - I am glad we are in this together, friend. Loving your lists idea.
J -- glad to know I am not the only zombie. You said something that I have begun to realize is very important --- fresh air. sounds simple, but it's profound. I find that when I can get outside for a few moments I do better. I needed this reminder. Thank you.
emily w -- I KNOW!!! Three, man alive. It's killing me. I think I need a couple more months under my belt and I will be okay. I like the gentle reminders that tv is okay. esp. in the winter.
p.s. when it's gotten so out of control that I can't even start anything, I've been known to hire a cleaning person for a couple hours. I will especially do this if I have a visitor coming (like my mother in law.) I can't afford it all the time, but once or twice a year, yes. Something like $25 an hour? Yes, please.
My grandma taught me something a few years ago. She came as a surprise, midday, and my house was a DISASTER. I had three kids at the time...all home from school. I apologized for my house being messy and she looked right at me and said "Never apologize for a messy house. Picking up after kids is like shoveling a sidewalk when it's snowing. You are either going to be picking all day to make it perfect or you just pick up at the end of the day. My mother in law ALWAYS expected a perfectly clean house and I know that's near impossible. Never feel like it needs to be perfect or you'll go insane." Words of wisdom from grandma. I love her for it.
Oh Tiff, do I feel your pain! I think the simple fact that you are hard on yourself proves what an amazing mother you really are. I have enjoyed reading the responses of the others and have gained some good insight. So, thanks. My biggest piece of advice would be to take time for yourself. Often. Even if it's just a trip to the grocery store with NO kids. I get out by myself at least once a week--sometimes more. I started having a young women from our ward who is home-schooled come over every Thursday. She watches the kids for a few hours while I do my weekly grocery shopping or run errands etc. In exchange, I give her a piano lesson every week. I look forward to Thursdays! Another sanity saver is my gym membership. They have child-care and I'll milk that for all it's worth. I take the whole two hours and don't feel a bit of guilt. They have fun and I get a good work-out. Win/Win. If you are looking for a good book to read, let me know. I've got several suggestions. I'm FAR from having it all figured out. Life is pretty overwhelming at times and I think it's a miracle that my sanity is (mostly) still intact. You are doing a great job! When you feel discouraged, just think about that crazy friend of yours from High School that has 6 kids (going on 8)!
I know exactly what you are talking about. I have had to come to terms that the house will just never be all clean. I heard somewhere to not try and do it all at once, or all one day. Have a vacuum day, have a scrub the bathroom day, for the bigger jobs. And for the everyday things like dishes and stuff, I try and do what I can during nap time, or if I see Anna is distracted, or after bedtime, and it usually only involves putting stuff away, not a whole lot of deep cleaning.
Don't feel like a failure though Tiff, feel like you just joined the club awesome moms with three kids and a house! :)
I may be late in commenting, but I just wanted to thank you (and those who commented) for your thoughts. It always helps when I hear that someone feels the way I do!
I could give you a long gory detailed letter about how this issue affects all aspects of my life, but I'll save that for another day...when I feel up to it!
My kids are 6, 3, and 1. My baby boy refuses to play with toys. He only wants to play with things I don't want him to play with.
The two things that help me the very most: I remind myself daily, sometimes hourly, that all of these phases will pass. My son will not be emptying the kitchen cupboards forever. My three-year-old will learn how to get herself a drink of water soon. Someday my oldest daughter will be my babysitter instead of me having to pay someone to babysit her.
I survived natural childbirth three times because I knew there was an end. It's the same way with the difficult phases. (I'm in your phase, & it's definitely difficult for me!)
The second thing: I've learned some very helpful things from flylady.net. Not all of it applies to me, but some of the methods I've learned there have continued to help me as I've used them over the last twelve years. Let me know if you want me to tell you all about it (I'd love to).
I love the song "Gentle" by Michael McLean. It ends with the words: "One thing that I know for certain: He has born the awful burden so I can be gentle with myself." Amen!
And just so you know, your confessions make me like you even more than I did before!
Wow! Lots of great comments! I remember when my children were little coming to the realization that the first year of having a baby, the house will be a mess, and there is no guarantee from one moment to the next what you are going to need to do. Who will be happy, who needs comforting etc, etc. Especially when you bring home number three and from there on. But after the baby turns one year you realize that there is life and routine after all. So give it a few more months at least, and be patient with yourself. You are a wonderful mother, and I remember feeling torn like that. (And judging from the comments we are "normal".) I often think of the following: "Remember, you have not failed until you stop trying, so roll up your sleeves and do your best." That is all that is asked, and it works.
YOu are scaring me!! Numero tres is due on Sunday and I'm freaking out. Everyone keeps telling me number 3 was what set them over the edge. Good thing I'm already losing it :) YOU are such a wonderful mother, obvious by your happy children. That's all that matters. Some days just suck...that's all there is to it!Hang in there.
I don't have any answers. I can only tell you that I feel the exact same way! It seems no matter which I try to focus on, I feel like I'm failing at the other. I, too, get VERY irritable when I'm trying to clean and am constantly being asked to do something else. But, when they're napping or after bedtime, I'm SO exhausted! I don't have the energy to do anything!
One thing I heard recently that I liked was "Jesus didn't do it all in a day. What makes me think I can??" The other thing I try to remind myself of is that my kids are more important than the house being clean. It's still a balance, because they need to be fed in order to be happy/healthy, and in order to feed them. I need to cook. And in order to be able to cook, my kitchen needs to be clean.
Anyway, you're not alone, hunny! We'll figure it out someday! And it seems like lots of these other ladies have some great pointers to get us there!
You can do it. It is not impossible! There are days where I just want to go in a corner and hide. My house is clean, but not museum clean as I like to call it. It is lived in, but laundry I do on weekends, or as needed during the week (kids have to wear uniforms). I meal plan. I also am now in my second semester of being a Full Time Student! So I have a husband with a mental illness, 6 kids, Full Time student (2 morning, 4 night classes). I cook, clean and try my best to keep up and there are times it just doesn't happen! We have a set schedule for things, I lay close out the night before! But then again Tiffany you knew my Mom, LOL, and that is where I learned all my management skills from!
You can do it. It is not impossible! There are days where I just want to go in a corner and hide. My house is clean, but not museum clean as I like to call it. It is lived in, but laundry I do on weekends, or as needed during the week (kids have to wear uniforms). I meal plan. I also am now in my second semester of being a Full Time Student! So I have a husband with a mental illness, 6 kids, Full Time student (2 morning, 4 night classes). I cook, clean and try my best to keep up and there are times it just doesn't happen! We have a set schedule for things, I lay close out the night before! But then again Tiffany you knew my Mom, LOL, and that is where I learned all my management skills from!
Hey Tiffany,
It's Haley Peel, I am not a blog savvy girl and so I don't know how all of this will post! It is so ironic that you wrote this because it has been a subject that my friends and I have talked a lot about recently. I don't have all of the answers I know a few things that work for me. I have a 7 year old, 5 year old, almost 3 year old and a 18 month old. It is crazy and I can totally relate to you! I too do not mean crazy in a general way, I mean really crazy! My youngest 2 kids also have autism so it has been a rough 6 months!
Here are a few things that are currently working for me.
1. Each child has their own laundry basket and their own day, the girls are tuesday the boys are wednesday. Now this may be totally obvious to others but it wasn't to me. For some reason, breaking it up made it SO much more managable!
2. The other thing I HAD to do with all the running and practices and lessons is to make a day for cleaning. Its wednesday and if I can choose when a dr appt is or a dance class I do my best to avoid wednesdays. It is the one day that my little ones don't have therapy so that's why but it is working! I know that at least on wednesday night and for 2 hours on thursday my house will be clean.
3. I also think it is so important to have time for you! I run every night for 45 minutes. Of course I wish I could go longer, but it gives me time to think and be by myself. My husband is in texas for the next 3 months, coming home every other weekend, and so I found a young woman who drives and she comes over for 25 dollars a week for 3 nights and then I nag my mom or stepdad or sisters into the other 2 or 3!! When my husband told me he had to leave I just told him that it was non-negotiable! Just knowing that I am going to have that alone time gives me an extra burst to finish the day well.
I hope that maybe some of these are things that you could use. The fact that you are aware and asking yourself these questions says that you are a good mom. But I know it's easy to look at others and think "you are a great mom!" and look at ourselves and think "I can never measure up"! I know I am guilty of that.
Look for me next time you are home visiting, I am ALWAYS in the foyer!!!!
One Word... Simplify! Love Kristi Holdaway
Agent Go Fight- You are a stud! Just the fact you can open up and ask shows so much. I only have two but have been thinking about these things as we know we want more and I wonder if I can do it. It is nice to read all the comments and advice from mothers all over who have those same inadequate feelings. My suggestions (ones that I have learned myself and ones that come from my mom who had 8 and my husbands mom who had 8) but not "THE answer"
-Begin and end the day on your knees
-A happy home is not a spotless home
-Chores are for everyone
-Don't feel guilty taking time for yourself (I try and give myself at least 30 minutes to workout as that really is a sanity maker in my home-my 2 year old even likes to do my workout video with me and I like when he does becuase then I don't feel like I am abondoning him)
-Keep your husband informed of what you are feeling and solve some problems together. Remember it took him to have them.
Anyway Tiff I have much to learn and will turn to you when baby three comes becuase maybe then you will have "the answer" for me!
Hang in there and remember YOU ARE 'Agent Go Fight!'
P.S. I love the quote about not failing until you stop...so true!
I'm not the only one going crazy, wanting to pull my hair out? This makes me feel 100% better!
The boys will not remember a messy house they will remember the moments you all spent together
My dear friend... coming up on the end of the road with raisin' youthful children my thoughts are simple.
Every day is shared.
No one person can do everything alone.Some day these wonderful children are going to be raised and ready to move out on their own - Not rembering if their rooms were tidy or if there were piles of laundry.
What they take with them is the love and memories of time spent with you and your dear husband - and what you taught them "How to survive" - Qualities of living.
My rule of thumb... Nothing is going to be perfect!
But, I strived to teach them to help (1st) - second to ask for help when needed. Third to be responsible for their belongings.
Keeping in mind all of these thoughts are relative to the age of the children.
Making games while doing chores (like shooting baskets with folded socks) and letting the kids wash the plastic glasses and plates - the floor always needs washed so the follow up is a mopping and drying the floor.
Every child can do something - even watch and learn. When they are preoccupied or sleeping do a project or read something for yourself. (even read aloud)When they find they don't want to listen they always find something else to do. Sometimes you might be amazed that they are interested in "How to do" - as much as you are.
Sadly, I ramble - but the theme is share, love, laugh, no stress, and things can be put off for alittle while.
Keep things simple.
No woman is an island.
Ask - if you need help. Pray -if you can't find help. Rest - if things get to be too much.
Love you and your lovely family.-mum (Alisa)
I read your post last week while I was out of town and did not have time to answer. I don't even remember how I found your blog ... just have been following for a while. Normally I really try and not give advice. But I could not keep myself from coming back to leave you a note, from a stranger.
You are totally normal. It seems like the 3rd baby is such a life changing event. More so than with the first and second.
Just hang in there. You will get your groove back. It just takes a little longer than it did with the first two. This quote is totally true ... "That which we persist in doing becomes easier - not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I would repeat that often ... when I felt like everything was out of control, no sit down meals, laundry half clean half dirty, and I wasn't sure which was which. Jelly stuck to the floor and toilets that had not been cleaned for weeks. Baby spit up dried on the kitchen floor.
I was the only one during the day that could do it. No hiring any one to come clean, or cook or take the kids. Sure my husband would help when he got home, but he had things to tend to also and felt a little bit overwhelmed himself, I am certain.
You are stronger than you think, and will make it through. The dark tunnel really does lead to beauty on the other side.
Hang in there.
Love these comments! I came back to read them because... I had a friend once tell me I had adult ADD, and I am certain that is applicable indeed to my housework and parenting...ha!
I actually just wanted to comment again because if "em" sends you those recipes, please send them to me, too!! I can't imagine being so organized, I would love not having to make dinner every night! (enter adult add) although I suppose sometimes cooking dinner helps me to feel more relaxed and happy. Weird, right? Okay. I will stop. Just pass along those recipes por fa vor!
Plus, A.C. in Jones Falls ward is an amazing organizer. Unbelievable really. She is a great resource to ask information from. Someone told me she does one load of laundry a day. Hmm...interesting. I like that idea, but then again I have ADD, so it is hard to implement it. Ha HA!
alisa--- thank you!!! I am so glad you commented. I am going to print out that quote and hang it up in my home. it's great! and true!
serena -- i need to talk to AC! I will tell my friend emily that she has a fan club and to get us those recipes ASAP.
staci -- I loved all that you said too. begin and end the day on your knees -- I am hanging that up by my bedside!
dizzymom--- I love you friend. you are such a sweet mother and example to me!
likely-moldy sippy cup under table, chair, in car.....
I wanted to read all these comments before commenting, because we all can use advice. But seeing as how I am currently neglecting BOTH my house and my children and looking at blogs, I probably should forgo the reading and just put in my two cents.
You can't entirely neglect either. For me, I give myself little daily goals of what I want to accomplish. make the goals are reachable. And make sure to include both cleaning and mothering. I find that sometimes even if I do short 20 min. things with my kids a few times through the day, at the end of the day I feel like it has been somewhat successful. I probably do more cleaning/my task-list than I do playing with my children, so I definitely have changes to make.
Also, since this is my last year with no kids in school, I am just enjoying the no schedule to be home with my kids, clean house or not. I am coming to realize that if we think this stage with young kids at home is hard,... well things get harder.
Keep going. Enjoy each stage for what it is. You're great!
Hi Tiffany,
I see you have a ton of comments already and I haven't read them. I just want to tell you, I understand exactly and I am always lamenting this same issue. I can say its is slowly slowly getting better (my baby is 15 mo old now but now very very busy.) Its amazing how hard it is to get into a new groove when you have little kids.
I really struggle with the fact that I am homeschooling (and still really new to it) and that adjustment has just been hard to do all at once with also having a new baby (he was born Oct of our kindergarten year.) I still don't have it all down-balancing everything. I think constantly feeling like I'm failure in everything is life is depressing.
One thing I do like, is listening to Fly Lady on blog talk radio. She is just so encouraging. Take a listen! I also am learning I need to go to BED early. It is so, so hard to do but I need my sleep. I want to stay up to get me time or to get stuff done, but really, its counter productive. Its tough. Hang in there. One day we won't have piles of laundry and half naked kids running around and we will miss it.
Oh my gosh I want to read all the comments people left. I read your post to Andy and we laughed about it because it's TOTALLY THE SAME FOR ME!! And... then I read some comments and they're hilarious. And yours too about a neighbor coming over at 3 and you're in your pj's and a kid with no pants. We totally had a neighbor come over today and Isaiah raced to the door and I had no makeup and I had my saggy pants on (bc I'm trying to save on laundry cause we're taking off to CA in a day) and I'm like, "DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR YET!" Double check in the mirror and double check in the peephole. We should totally put up a sign like that. AND, when my girls were little, I told Andy NOT to fix the doorbell, bc that was exactly it- I didn't want to see anyone who didn't have an "appointment". If you want to see me, you better call! :)
I totally feel the same way- housework and kids, not being able to do it all. That's why I always say, although it sounds bad to people, it seemed so dreamy- all the shows on t.v. how they have the live in servants doing the cooking and cleaning... no wonder the mother got anything done. Holy cow. Yeah, so we have to do it all and for me, I try to have the kids help clean on a good day, on a bad one I do it myself or not at all, Andy does the dishes that are leftover at night, we have no particular schedule of cleaning. Something that does help me is that when I have a lot to do and I notice the kids need some attention I will stop for a few minutes and spend time with them. And my mom always told me, "I wish I had spent more time with you kids and not cleaning the house." But there needs to be some sanity, some order and cleanliness, right? Anyway, you're not alone, as I'm sure you can see already from everyone's comments. And it makes me feel better that I'm not alone either. But please, do be easy on yourself and tell yourself again and again that life will be even crazier than usual for a while bc of your new baby AND a new house. Give yourself time. And you probably will need more time because you have the other two to take care of. So, remember Pres. Uchdorf's words (I'm pretty sure it was him) how we need to slow down when we're in a crisis (and your new baby and house would be a crisis situation-like, big change-wise). Slow down for a while and then when it starts getting better and you feel like you can do more, then do it. We get out of the house about once a day. I don't usually like taking all the kids out more than once a day. It's a pain. I'll go out by myself sometimes at night when Andy comes home. I think I need more breaks, maybe a few dollars for a babysitter sometime just so I can not be clobbered by kids every minute of the day. My kids watch tv and yes, sometimes I feel guilty. I try to limit it to one movie a day (we don't have t.v.) but yesterday was a really bad day for me and they watched 3 movies. Maybe 4. Now that one's pretty extreme, but there you have it, it's true. I try to prioritize usually what needs to be done and whatever else isn't a big deal, I have to let it go for another day. I use my energy as needed- sometimes I have a burst of energy and I go all out cleaning up, other times I have none, so I do the minimal. Anyway, I think my comment is super long now. Take care- Staci
http://lds.org/ensign/2010/11/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng
That is the talk by Pres. Uchdorf. And someone mentioned doing laundry every day- I do laundry about every other day usually. I never do it all in one day. And I usually clean the bathrooms once every 2 weeks, and I will organize and vacuum upstairs one day, then do that downstairs another day. Always tidying up the living room (our main room) and the kitchen, because I'm in the kitchen a lot. I like the idea I heard from someone when the kids get older they can have their rooms however they want during the week and then on the weekends they can't go out until their rooms are clean. But that's not very applicable to our little youngsters. Reminds me of a really good book I read. I have to ask my friend what the title was and send that to you. Love you! ;)
And seriously, you must know how amazing you are. I mean, I think you do, you were just having an off day. I'm always dumbfounded at the way you live your life- crafty, sociable, fun, comical, just so many great things about you. I've always said it and always will- you are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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