me and tommy. right now.
sometimes I wonder what motherly instincts we still have in this day and age. instincts set deep within our feminine nature. nesting is real. it has been for me at least. I still feel like I am going through it because I didn't really have adequate time in 1977 to properly nest. 1977 the house, not 1977 the year before I was born. although my mom was probably nesting.
I actually pulled a muscle or two yesterday because I was over-nesting -- hauling laundry up and down, hauling tommy around while I delivered misplaced items to their "homes". I spent the end of the day taking it easy.
something hit me after tommy came that I had felt strongly with oliver and remember with a baby max too. this overwhelming need to protect my child --- from whatever---whoever. First it was the cell phones. My mom and husband started immediately calling people after tommy was born and for some reason I just couldn't handle it. There was nothing wrong with it and I couldn't quite place where my reaction was coming from. I wanted to run and hide with him. I didn't want to deal with the world or anyone. just him.
and it seemed to worsen as I got home and big brothers were introduced. as much as I love them I felt this crazy need to protect him from them. literally, of course and in other ways. (Oliver poured water on tom's head yesterday because "tommy was so thirsty").
I just wanted tommy to myself. I just needed time to be him and me. I think part of it is the guilt I carried for not being able to devote more time to him during pregnancy. We didn't even have his name down solid until we were in the hospital. It was all such a blur.... so much going on.
it has been a week now and mother bear is calming down and very slowly getting into a rhythm with three boys and a new home.
I will say that it is hard to put a robot costume on a three year old while you are nursing.
but it's possible.
just thought I would share a couple thoughts.
hope things are well in your neck of the woods. have a great weekend.
9 comments:
I can relate to this! I felt a really strong bond to Henry when he was born and I felt so much better if he was by my side at all times. I loved the hospital for that reason, we could be together alone most of the time! Undisturbed. I loved it. I really did. I was so tired, but it felt so right! Anyway, he is a sweet little angel and is a blessing for everyone. Protect him mother bear! :) Oh, and ditto on the cell phone thing...it drove me nuts in the hospital!
I understand how you are feeling. I think that especially when it is a second or third child you feel that way...because we do not have as much one on one time. Sometimes I am nursing standing up and walking aroung the house because I need to help Lily go potty or put her clothes back on or color or play...there is not as much time to bond as there was with the first one. With Lily I could just lay around all day and enjoy her. Now we have to divy up the time. It makes me feel guilty to be with Lily, it makes me feel guilty to be with Mara. You have been there before...does it get easier...lol! I am sure it does as they need us less, but the thought of that is also sad to me. It can be so emotional to be a mom...lol!
You are doing great and have such sweet boys!
I smiled at your comment about 1977 and nesting. You and I are the same age.
I enjoy your writing so much. Thank you for sharing these very real feelings...it takes me right back to last year when I welcomed my third child to the planet.
You and Tommy are beautiful! Congratulations.
When they start dating, a whole new mother bear phase sets in. Hear me ROAR!
Congratulations on another beautiful boy!!! I enjoyed reading this post, particularly the first line about what motherly instincts we have deep within us. I wonder too, because the world has taken over and told us so much of you and what we should be. Thanks. And good luck. 3 boys are so much fun.
oh - i made my blog private. send me an email if you want an invite.
amgiles1@gmail.com
love it- and so true- even when adopting I felt this way about baby Lukas pantz. Still do a lot. Didn't even know I had it in me!
Sheesh!
I love this! You are such a wonderful, honest writer. I remember coming downstairs one day to find my two daughters riding the infant like a horsie! Ahhhhh!
i think i've read that in some other cultures, like in some african countries, the mother stays in a tent or something like that with her newborn, just her and the baby, and the husband will take care of the rest of the family and bring the mom food. i don't know for how long it is, but i'm so down with that. i would welcome that part of their culture here in america. ;)
Although you were annoyed with the calls being made right after Tommy was born..I am grateful for them. Hearing his first cry was just what I needed at the moment the phone call came. I burst into tears hearing this little guy crying. Who knows when I will ever be able to hold him....
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